New Year's Resolution

I'm usually not one for having a New Year's Resolution, as often times when I say that I absolutely without a doubt will (or won't) do something, I only do (or don't do) it for about a day. But this year, I realized I am in dire need of a change. Although I had a few "up" moments in 2010, all in all the year was a deep valley of self-pity, bitterness, and anger. Not a place I can afford to choose to be in for another year. (Of course, I'll likely visit that place every now and then, but I refuse to make it my permanent residence.)

So a change like this that just happened to fall around the dawn of a new year seemed to warrant an official resolution. And I'm glad I did. Because this simple resolution has been something that I'm learning to repeat over and over to myself when I start to feel those old icky feelings loom around me. So here's what it is:

This year, I will focus on the blessings I already have not on the ones I'm waiting for.

What's really strange is that I'm not sure how successful I'm actually being at doing that exact thing. I'm still thinking about trying to get pregnant and what we should do if we don't in the near future, and I haven't spent hours reflecting on my many blessings or writing them out or anything. But even so, the effect the idea of the resolution has had on me so far has been quite profound. As soon as self-pity or any of those other ugly thoughts start to enter, if I quickly say this resolution (sometimes even out loud), the dismal thoughts are immediately held at bay. So far so good. I'll take this as step in the right direction.

One blessing I can see for certain...2011 is already much better than 2010. I'll list out all the specific blessings another day.