Forward Motion

2011 is already a quarter of the way done. In the world of couples trying to conceive (ttc is the official lingo, I guess), the arrival of April means that a baby this year isn't going to happen. Unless of course the baby were to arrive a few weeks early, but I don't even have the hope of that. The reason being, there will be no April pregnancy. Why? Because a week from Monday, I go in for a diagnostic laparscopy to check out my insides to see what endometriosis has been up to the last three and a half years. It's a pretty minor surgery, but I can't imagine I'd recover quickly enough to be up for ttc. :)

I've actually been quite blessed when it comes to the endometriosis. Sure, it lead to the removal of half of my vital baby making parts; but since my initial pain and surgery back in 2007, except an occasional sharp pain on my left side I haven't really had any pain to speak of . That is until last month. The occasional sharp pain turned into a relatively frequent stabbing sensation. The fact that the worst of it coincided with my period is a pretty strong indicator that it's endo.

I was able to get into Dr. Stenzle within a week, and of the options he gave me (one of which was taking some hormone to put myself into a "menopausal state") doing the laparscopy seems like the best plan. I probably wouldn't be in such a hurry to do it, but I'm really curious to see what's going on in there. And as a little added bonus, Dr. S said he'll put some dye in my right fallopian tube and video it so a fertility specialist could check it out. I don't know that we'll ever have a fertility specialist, but I figure if there's anything major, he could probably let us know.

So yeah, that's that. We're also planning to have Ryan's "stuff" tested in the near future. For a long time I didn't think we'd go that far, but now I just want to know. If the results were to indicate that the odds were definitely not in our favor, I think it would help us move closer to adoption.

Speaking of adoption...we joined a small group a few weeks back that was about adoption and orphan care. I was really hopeful that there'd be at least one other couple going through what we are, and that we'd find it to be a step in helping us determine if adoption was where we should start moving. But the only ones in the group were couples that already had kids and were adopting. It felt quite similar to being in a group with a bunch of pregnant woman. So yeah...emotionally I couldn't do it.

We'll see what happens. It's strange...right now I just feel like I'm letting life just slowing push us along in whatever direction it chooses to take us. It at least feels like we're moving forward, so that's a good thing...I think.